A Well Overdue Fuck You

Just because you were kind to me, that doesn’t give you any leverage.

It doesn’t make up for the fact that you misunderstood my intentions.

Or for the fact that you had high hopes and expectations.

Especially after me warning you otherwise.

I’m not going to lay with dogs when I am clearly looking for a wolf.

I’ve got so much to give, and I’ll be damned if you’re the one it’s wasted on.

So don’t come knocking on my door, your wanted poster doesn’t mean shit.

I’ve got plenty more of you to take down off your pedestals.

The fact that you think your owed something makes me sick.

So go run to your friends, they’ll lie to you and make you feel like a man again.

Have them cast stones at me, curse my name, something is bound to nurse you back to sleep eventually.

Just don’t come running back like the rest,

or you’ll end up living in a hell in which you couldn’t fathom existing.

And by then, your apologies won’t mean a fucking thing.

 

-Brittany Sullivan

Involuntary Acts

When things get hectic and overwhelming, there’s only one thing I can recommend.

The one thing everyone fails to remember.

A simple, effortless act.

Why is it that in the midst of pain, everyone forgets to just breathe?

-Brittany Sullivan

Do Not Resuscitate

 

I’ve spent my life trying to sway someone who was never capable of moving.

I’ve spent years trying to present logic to someone who doesn’t believe reality exists.

I’ve grown tired of trying to help someone change, someone who never believed in it to begin with.

I’m weary. I’m broken. I’m defeated.

So I will let you go.

I will rest.

I will breathe.

I will smile.

I will be the only thing that matters to me from now on.

And you can live peacefully in your denial.

-Brittany Sullivan

At Night

It’s the ones I can’t have that I dream of the most.

It’s the people that slip in and out of my life that haunt my dreams.

And if you ever thought sleep was an escape, you’re wrong.

It’s absolute torture for me.

 

-Brittany Sullivan

Full Circle

If you came here in search of convincing, you’ve come to the wrong place.

It doesn’t matter how badly I want you or how much I believe that I need you; I won’t beg you to stay.

I refuse to get down on my knees.

I won’t cry to sway your already made up mind.

I can’t tell you I’m worth it, I can’t tell you I’ll change.

I’m not capable of either.

I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear.

I’m sorry if I’m not what you expected.

I’m sorry if my pride has gotten in the way.

But I can’t let you instill guilt in me.

I’ll eventually find my way back to my feet.

I’ll eventually overcome all the pain you spoon fed me.

Soon I’ll forget the way you made my heart race,

and I will let someone else in.

Just to restart the cycle.

 

-Brittany Sullivan

The Art of Drowning

Sometimes the best option is to let yourself fade from the light.

On occasion, your only choice is to be consumed.

Once in a while you have to give up.

Not all of us have the strength to swim.

Every so often, you have to stop breathing.

Now and again you just have to drown and hope you’ll find your way back to life.

And if you are so lucky, you’ll lay at the bottom of the sea, soon to find a little peace. 

 
-Brittany Sullivan

Hedonistic Calculus

It’s been quiet since I left you alone.

Since I left you to drown in your own tears.

You must love the way your search for pity cripples you.

It must send vibrations through your veins.

I wonder if you’re blaming me this time for turning away.

For having the strength to let you go.

For realizing that one more guilt trip would be the end of me…

The end of everything you thought we had.

I know you tell yourself that it was all my fault as you push away thoughts of me.

You can’t handle facing the demons you’ve molded. You refuse to live up to the mistakes you’ve made.

Years of the same old trip have taught you nothing.

Even steel bars were too weak to dwindle your ego.

You have proven that you could never be humbled…

I can no longer watch the hands of the clock race each other in hope that time will soon catch up to you.

I will no longer breathe in the debris you leave behind every time you walk into a room.

I will close the door on this and lock you in tightly. Maybe then you will have to face your fears of being alone.

If it makes things easier, you can call me selfish.

You can call me heartless.

But your insults won’t stand a chance against the relief.

Your contusive love falls flat compared to the serenity that has replaced the void that once lived in me.

I just hope that the benefits of being a monster are much easier for you to believe than the disadvantages.

However, I’m sure you’ve already mastered the art of lying to yourself.


-Brittany Sullivan

Even Love Grows Mold

I’m a fool. I’ve said it countless times before.
But I keep falling for your same old tricks.
I keep tripping in and out of love with you.

I thought you were different. I thought you could handle the simple task of keeping my heart safe.
But in your hands, you only seem to bruise it.

And I don’t know how to ask for it back without you damaging it completely.

 

-Brittany Sullivan

Just Another Heart Breaker

I’m a fool. I’ve said it countless times before.
But I keep falling for your same old tricks.
I keep tripping in and out of love with you.

I thought you were different. I thought you could handle the simple task of keeping my heart safe.
But in your hands, you only seem to bruise it.

And I don’t know how to ask for it back without you damaging it completely.

 
-Brittany Sullivan

Learning How To Feel

Don’t invite me to dinner if I’m going to sit beside misery; with the constant hope that you’ll trade seats.

I don’t want your love if I have to pull it out of your veins.

I don’t want your mind if I have to learn how to read your thoughts.

I don’t want your company if your quiet breathing just makes me feel lonely.

If it’s loneliness that I sought, I wouldn’t be whispering sweet nothings while you sleep next to me; always dreamlessly.

I could leave this world at anytime, with or without you.

I could jump off shore and float face down.  I could lay in knots on gray clouds; only smiling when the rain finally pours.

Or I could stay in the same place and hold on. I could hold hands with a monster named hope and patiently wait for you.

Yet no matter what I do your words still remain stuck between your lips.

And with every kiss, I grow no closer to finding out what it is your really want.

But I hang on…

There’s a certain joy that comes with finally knowing if you’ve loved a lie or if all your worries were absolutely meaningless.


-Brittany Sullivan